Okay, I’m going to bed for real now.



I’m 22 so definitely not a thing I could have gone to lol. That really sucks you couldn’t, I get how you feel though. Like I had the biggest…I don’t even know how to describe it I wasn’t writing and I was depressed and wasnt’ even really listening to music anymore, but then I found Doomstar Requiem and just after it finished I started writing so much poetry and listening to music and it just filled me with emotion for the first time in months. So his work in general has done so so much for me lately. So I definitely know what you mean about that.

Those kids definitely got talent and potential. I hope they can get into what they want to get into when they get older, by the time they reach their twenties they’ll be insanely talented.

I know exactly what you mean because it was much the same for me. I’d watched the show off and on for a while but it wasn’t until about 5 years ago I started watching it seriously. My sister and I created a bond over it and it was the only thing that was keeping my depression down at the time. Even when I was stuck at home trying out new meds to help fix my problems it was always something I knew I could turn to to make me smile. I actually went out and bought all the boxsets and CDs in order to help boost Brendon’s sales. It saddens me when people download his music and show illegally because he’s actually losing out on money he could be putting into the production of it.

I remember when my house was foreclosed on at the end of the school year when I was already failing my classes. I’d also been going through strange dizzy spells and stomach aches. It killed me to be without cable for the time because the 4th season was just airing during that time. Not too long after I got my cable back and cried at the very last episode of season 4 which I had to watch late that morning due to my cousin from Sweden being at my house and my sister and her drinking and accidentally hurting themselves/getting in a fight with my sister’s exboyfriend. 

Long story short, his work inspired me so and even brought me out of my drawing slump and writing slump. I worked my ass off to get out of my anime style work and into some cartoon styled work which looked god awful at the time.



I was working so hard after I started being inspired by the show and his music, but what inspired me most was his personality and his concert. Part of the reason I respect Brendon so much is that he’s like me—he can’t sit still for 2 seconds. He ALWAYS has to be working on something. I always thought of it as a flaw in my personality but he made me see differently. He’s become so much from that trait and uses it to his advantage. He’s done about everything and if I could pick his brain for an hour, I know I’d be so incredibly happy.

But the concert—oh the concert! That too happened around the time the house was foreclosed on. Right after the season ended it was announced he was going to be playing in Wisconsin that summer. The tour was delayed and I was upset. Of course I live in Minnesota so it would have been a decent drive to get there, but I didn’t care… 

Then it happened, the tour was set to continue, and where of all places? Minnesota. It was also one of his first stops on his tour. My dad picked up our tickets WAY in advance and although I was sick, dizzy, and couldn’t attend school at the time, I was determined to go. It was my very first concert on top of things… I never asked my parents for anything and always delt with second best. My sister had so many things she wanted I felt I shouldn’t ask for things—this included concerts.  

So I dressed up that day in what I believed to be an adorable outfit—it was sort of… but in the pictures I look horrid… We got there early and I abandoned my plans to try out the mosh pit as soon as I noticed just how many people were getting hurt in it by tripping and accidentally getting stomped on. Still, I moved close to the stage—watched a man dressed like a klokateer (Sort of… he worked for the club but he put on a klokateer hood to make it special) setting up.

A man came and talked ot me and we actually interacted for any in betweens during the concert. He was actually quite attractive and the fact he actually came to talk to me made me so happy because I’ve always been concidered “ugly” when the reality of the matter is I’m not very unappealing… just fat—which I can admit and not be offended by. He even told me my sense of humor was great and encouraged me to try out for amature comedy which I’ve still yet to do. Even my sister found him attractive and was shocked he hadn’t talked to her but to me. (She’s actually very pretty and has been told she could easily model… I agree fully) She was happy for me and I was happy for myself this one night.

Not only was these parts great, but when Brendon actually went on stage there was a passion I could see in his performance. Even later videos didn’t capture what I saw. He was excited. It was a small room but he was excited to perform and put his heart and soul into every key, note, and break he had. What people have yet to realize is that when he arrived at many of these other states he was tired… I got to experience his performance while he was still wired and at the peak of his level. I was completely in awe—he sounded much better live than when I listened to him on CD which is so often rare with musicians from what I’ve heard.
Each character, each moment… he felt everything he spoke and sang. You could see it in his expressions, and when it was done I still was shaking. My heart hadn’t calmed a bit.

As shocking as this may be it very well might have been the greatest experience of my life.

So to not be able to go and play with him because of money troubles and my age… it was heart breaking… I’d always been too young for most things but for once in my life I was actually too old for something… Something I wanted to participate in so badly. I wanted to sing on stage, to talk to the man, to see just what all he thinks about… and I may never get that experience.

Still, as far as you feel—I’m positive when I say, I know exactly how it is.

P.S. I apologize for rambling… I looked to add a read more piece on this post but I can’t with this one…






This made my day better!
Songs being performed: Abigails Lullaby, Some Time Ago, The Duel, and I Believe

The Abigale singer was good….but wtf happened with everyone else? that was awful! D: 

No fucking clue what you mean, that was fucking awesome.

Was this at the camp!?!

Yeah man, middle school kids and teenagers

There was two sad things about that camp that kept me from going.
1. I’d just turned 19 a couples months before hand 
2. My family was going through money troubles and were afraid to send me off on my own there.
I about cried when I couldn’t go… I’m not even kidding you.
Brendon Small’s such an inspiration to me and to have gotten a chance to actually speak and work with him would have been a dream come true.

But enough of my depressing whinning. 
They did wonderful and I hope they all had a wonderful time.
They all did such a great job. <3

When people say their going to bed and are going to cuddle with their pillows.Seriously people, would it god damn kill you if I snuggle with you? People look at me odd when I hug them or try to snuggle up to them and it&#8217;s upsetting. I mean, it isn&#8217;t even anything sexual, it&#8217;s just I want to cuddle someone. Not some random stranger but a friend or something, fuck!

When people say their going to bed and are going to cuddle with their pillows.

Seriously people, would it god damn kill you if I snuggle with you? People look at me odd when I hug them or try to snuggle up to them and it’s upsetting. I mean, it isn’t even anything sexual, it’s just I want to cuddle someone. Not some random stranger but a friend or something, fuck!

MBTI Personality Types as Pokemon!


ESFP- Lilligant
ESTP- Charizard
ENFP- Arcanine
ENTP- Rotom
ESFJ- Kangaskhan
ESTJ- Blastoise
ENFJ- Celebi
ENTJ- Garchomp
ISFP- Smeargle
ISTP- Froslass
INFP- Gardevoir
INTP- Alakazam
ISFJ- Dragonite
ISTJ- Bisharp
INFJ- Espeon
INTJ- Mewtwo





this is probably one of the best posts i’ve ever seen

Me with my friends fo real.

This is so totally me.

People can say all they want about me. I’ll just nod and let it happen, maybe sometimes say something, but mainly just wait for the guilt to kickin. However, someone says something about my friend… yeah… just like this post man. 

Dicks on my dash board, dicks on my wall~
Dicks here on camera, dicks in the hall~
When you’re in trouble, don’t fear to call~
'Cause dicks will be shakin' their hairy wrecking balls~

This has been a good day.

Too bad I’ve been REALLY slow with my Tarot card… but I got a start. Unfortunately I’m getting tired and dizzy…

The fuck is my dad thinking?

He’s still trying to be all buddy buddy to me after the shit he said last night. No fuckin’ chance am I letting it go this time I’m tired of just brushing off the problem like it NEVER happened. 

Why is there nothing ever to do when things end up bad in my life?


I just… I’m tired of this. I know I said I would never complain but I just need to post this so I feel like I’ve gotten it off my mind. Simply typing it won’t do it anymore. When you see these posts, I’d rather people ignore them than talk to me—it’s nothing against you, it’s just I HATE talking about my problems. I hate complaining about them in general, but even more so talking about my issues. It makes me cringe—I don’t care to relive the moments that upset me by talking about them again. I’d just like to say it once and be done. It’s strange I know, but that’s how I deal with my problems and it actually helps. So that’s what I’m doing now.

Maybe I’ll draw—I don’t know what else to do right now other than lay in my room.  Anyone know a good way to get out my anger other than writing by myself? Writing by myself doesn’t help anymore, I’ve done it too many times where writing out my feelings just… it’s useless. I’d rather take them out on fictional character’s in rps to be honest but not often do I find people who can let their character’s experience problems without getting upset even if it’s just everyday delemas. It doesn’t have to be straight up misery, but I like letting things out and building a story from those feelings, expanding into detail. 

Worst. Day. I’ve. Had. This. Summer!

My dad’s an ass. I don’t complain often, but I’m just going to say that. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m done…
Don’t want to get in details. Just wanted to say that one sentence. “My dad’s an ass.”
End of story. 
Please no attention or questions. 
I just wanted to type that sentence.
And yes imma post it because I want to look at this tomorrow morning and be like, “The fuck was I thinking when I posted this”.
Maybe I’ll laugh. 
I could use a laugh…


Imagine your icon giving you a hug, but as they do, they touch your butt and pull away to look at you while wiggling their eyebrows.

Dory? Well, I don’t usually go for younger women/men (In general I mean… I don’t go for younger people most of the time) or what ever but fuck—I’m down ba-ba-ba-baby~! <3

I feel lazy today—can someone snap me out of it and force me to draw this Tarot card?

I’ve got the idea in mind, I know just how I want to do it, the textures I want to use—I just can’t bring myself to do anything today… All I wanna do is write right now and even that I seem to be struggling with—roleplaying might be another story, but regular writing… no.

I don’t complain often, but this has been going on for a few weeks now and I absolutely hate it. I want to have the ambition to do things again!

Any advice guys?


here’s a list of some of my favourite movies which always seem to involve teenagers, misfits, girls in groups/gangs, or funky dance numbers and music (more movies will probably be added to this later) ❀ 
Heathers (1989)*Jawbreaker (1999)Cry-Baby (1990)*The Craft (1996)*Clueless (1995)*The Breakfast Club (1985)*Pretty In Pink (1986)*Submarine (2010)*Moonrise Kingdom (2012)SLC Punk! (1998)The Virgin Suicides (1999)*Sixteen Candles (1984)Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)Grease (1978)*West Side Story (1961)Dazed and Confused (1993)Mean Girls (2004)American Beauty (1999)Ghost World (2001)Weird Science (1985)WarGames (1983)Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)*Girl, Interrupted (1999)*Lost In Translation (2003)Marie Antoinette (2006)Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)Daydream Nation (2010)Edward Scissorhands (1990)Beetlejuice (1988)Kaboom (2010)*Bring It On (2000)Lolita (1962)Lolita (1997)A Clockwork Orange (1971)The Art of Getting By (2011)Splendor In the Grass (1961)It’s Kind of a Funny Story (2010)We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)The Bling Ring (2013)Pulp Fiction (1994)*Adventureland (2009)*Easy A (2010)She’s All That (1999)*Scream (1996)*Jennifer’s Body (2009)Beetlejuice (1988)But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)Welcome to the Riley’s (2010)Superbad (2007)13 Going On 30 (2004)*Coraline (2009)The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
/* update */
Mysterious Skin (2004)10 Things I Hate About You (1999)Thirteen (2003)Lords of Dogtown (2005)Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)Trainspotting (1996)Requiem for a Dream (2000)Beginners (2010)
* movies marked with asterisks can also be found on netflix
{click here for “floweries list of books you should totally read”}


here’s a list of some of my favourite movies which always seem to involve teenagers, misfits, girls in groups/gangs, or funky dance numbers and music (more movies will probably be added to this later) ❀ 

Heathers (1989)*
Jawbreaker (1999)
Cry-Baby (1990)*
The Craft (1996)*
Clueless (1995)*
The Breakfast Club (1985)*
Pretty In Pink (1986)*
Submarine (2010)*
Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
SLC Punk! (1998)
The Virgin Suicides (1999)*
Sixteen Candles (1984)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Grease (1978)*
West Side Story (1961)
Dazed and Confused (1993)
Mean Girls (2004)
American Beauty (1999)
Ghost World (2001)
Weird Science (1985)
WarGames (1983)
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)*
Girl, Interrupted (1999)*
Lost In Translation (2003)
Marie Antoinette (2006)
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)
Daydream Nation (2010)
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
Beetlejuice (1988)
Kaboom (2010)*
Bring It On (2000)
Lolita (1962)
Lolita (1997)
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
The Art of Getting By (2011)
Splendor In the Grass (1961)
It’s Kind of a Funny Story (2010)
We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)
The Bling Ring (2013)
Pulp Fiction (1994)*
Adventureland (2009)*
Easy A (2010)
She’s All That (1999)*
Scream (1996)*
Jennifer’s Body (2009)
Beetlejuice (1988)
But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Welcome to the Riley’s (2010)
Superbad (2007)
13 Going On 30 (2004)*
Coraline (2009)
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)

/* update */

Mysterious Skin (2004)
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Thirteen (2003)
Lords of Dogtown (2005)
Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)
Trainspotting (1996)
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Beginners (2010)

* movies marked with asterisks can also be found on netflix

{click here for “floweries list of books you should totally read”}

I realized I lost touch with most of my followers on here and it kind of makes me a little sad…

I hope you guys don’t feel I’ve forgot about you or something… Honestly, I feel a bit weird always having to be the one to contact everyone. I don’t have as much courage as you guys may think. I may speak honestly and freely but when it comes to making friends on here with other users, I’m scared shitless. But you know what? I still do it… I want to make friends and I want to get to know people, especially those who seem to have such a open mind when it comes to Metalocalypse—like most of the artists tend to. 

Please, if you guys haven’t gotten to know me that well—I hope you know I just how much I want to know all of you. 

For now, I’m opening up my skype name for those who’d like to know more about me and for me to know more about them.

Dorymclean—yep… this is my name all over the web and it’s no different for Skype. Please don’t hesitate to message me or add me. We can even webcam chat and roleplay if you all are into this. 

Thanks everyone… <3